Movies make choosing a maid of honor look easy, but choosing a maid of honor can be stressful. It isn’t as simple as choosing between your sister or best friend. Many factors can come into play with this decision, and there isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer.
Understanding how to choose a maid of honor takes careful consideration. There is no need to rush the decision, and you don’t want a hasty decision to cause you unnecessary stress or ruin a friendship. Visit our page for more on choosing a bridesmaid or a guide to city hall marriages in Boston City.
Assess What You Need and Want in a Maid of Honor
The role of maid of honor is not cut and dried. Instead, this role can be very fluid, adapting to the needs of each bride. Maid of honor selection starts by thinking about what you want your maid of honor to do or be.
If you’re planning the wedding yourself, your maid of honor position might demand more work. You will want someone able to assist along the way. That person should step in when you can’t be there to decide something or run a wedding errand.
If you’re working with a wedding planner, your maid of honor’s role will require less logistical work. Instead, your maid of honor might need to be more emotionally supportive. You may need someone who knows what you want in a wedding dress or plans a bachelorette getaway.
Your unique maid of honor role might land somewhere in between those qualities. It comes down to who you want and need by your side.
Assess Motives, Strengths, and Qualities of Those in the Running
Once you have assessed your needs, evaluate the abilities of your potential maids of honor. Consider these five general categories.
Organizational Skills
Can your best friend or sister help you make the decisions you need? Can they help you plan the little details? Organizational skills are essential if you plan to handle most of the planning process yourself, particularly without a wedding planner.
However, not all organizational skills are the same. You may have a friend skilled at running a household on a budget but not skilled at meeting with caterers, vendors, venue consultants, etc. So, prioritize the set of organizational skills you need.
Supportive Nature
Depending on your needs, having a supportive maid of honor may be more important than needing someone with organizational skills. This maid of honor should intuitively understand your needs and wants.
A supportive maid of honor knows what you want to tell the caterer without calling you five times a day. This maid of honor understands your stress levels before you do and helps you relax.
Understanding of the Role
Your maid of honor should understand what you need from them. This understanding requires clear communication between yourself and your maid of honor. To manage those duties, they need to know what you are looking for and be available in person and emotionally.
Motivated by the Right Reasons
Some who want to be a maid of honor see the position with something to gain. Those persons may wish to selfishly be a part of the excitement or score a date with the best man. Others see it as a status role to be claimed by the oldest sister or closest cousin.
Your wedding is about you and the groom, and no one else. Your maid of honor should look beyond personal reasons or motives. Do not choose a maid of honor based on promises or anyone else’s desires.
Financial Capabilities
The maid of honor role can be costly. Today’s average maid of honor spends approximately $1,500.00 fulfilling their duties.
This cost includes purchasing a maid of honor dress. The maid of honor also often spends some money on pre-wedding events such as a bachelorette party or planning a bridal shower. A maid of honor should handle the potential financial obligations without feeling stressed.
Think Outside the Box
Many people forget there is no requirement to even have a maid of honor. You also don’t have to choose only one maid of honor. Lastly, your maid of honor does not have to be a woman.
The choice is yours, whether you have one maid of honor or none, or if your man of honor is your best guy friend from high school. You can choose anyone for the role. Don’t feel boxed in by your family or in-laws’ opinions on how to choose maid of honor positions.
Lean on Family If You Need To
While you are free to choose anyone who isn’t a family member, you are also free to choose one who is. Sometimes, you may want to select a family member over your best friend from sleepaway camp.
Family is with you for life, even if they aren’t your everyday best friend. For many people, that is reason enough to want them standing by their side during their wedding.
Selecting a family member is also a good fallback if you have many people wanting to fill the role. If you are concerned about hurt feelings or don’t want to choose, selecting a family member is an elegant solution. After all, few people will get offended if you choose a family member.
Your Maid of Honor Choice Doesn’t Have to Be Difficult
We’ve given you several considerations on how to choose maid of honor contenders.
At the end of the day, your decision doesn’t have to be complicated. Focus on your unique needs and wants. Do not give in to those who think they “deserve” the role, even if they are family.
Your wedding day is one of the most important days of your life. Make the most of it, and do not stress the small things.
Visit our page for more information on choosing a maid of honor and other wedding etiquette. We’ll also help you learn about the do’s and don’ts during marriage ceremonies.