When a couple gets engaged, it’s common for the bride to take the lead on the wedding planning. However, that doesn’t mean leaving the groom behind. An engagement is a big step that sets the rest of your life together into motion, so it’s important for both partners to make decisions together and for the groom to contribute to the planning process.
But how involved should the groom be in the wedding planning? Whether you’re planning a city hall wedding in San Francisco or a sunset soiree on your favorite beach, the groom should prepare to take on certain responsibilities as part of the wedding planning process.
The Groom’s Most Important Role: Support the Bride
While event planning requires attending to what feels like a million details, and the groom should certainly help with them, his most important responsibility is to support the bride during the planning process. Planning even a small wedding can be stressful and all-consuming, and the bride needs to feel like her future husband has her back and will be there when she needs him most.
This means acknowledging the work to plan the wedding day, showing how much you appreciate it, showing up to appointments, and contributing your ideas. It is your special day, too, and the ceremony and celebration should reflect that. That said, the most important thing you can do is be a good listener, whether your bride is bouncing ideas off you or venting about a detail that doesn’t seem important to you but is to her.
What the Groom Should Do Before the Wedding
Grooms traditionally have responsibilities before, during, and after the wedding. When people ask, “How involved should the groom be in the wedding planning?” start with these critical responsibilities.
Help Set a Budget
These days, most couples pay for their weddings, or at least a portion of them, so the groom should help set the budget for the festivities. Money conversations can be uncomfortable, and disagreements over spending can take the event planning process from beautiful and romantic to a stressful headache. However, discussing money and working together to set (and stick to) a budget is critical to a successful marriage, so working on a wedding budget together is a good first step.
Grooms need to be a part of the budgeting process so everyone is on the same page about where the money for the wedding will come from, how much you can spend, and your priorities.
Attend Planning Appointments
From cake tastings to suit fittings, grooms should prepare to spend time at appointments for wedding planning tasks. Meeting with vendors helps you make decisions, and going to consultations and other appointments gives you a chance to share your opinion and support your bride. Even if you don’t have a preference for Swiss meringue over buttercream for the cake frosting, helping your partner with these little details is a great way for you to stay connected during wedding planning.
Contribute to the Guest List
If you’re planning to marry in front of friends and family, help with the guest list so the people closest to you will receive an invitation. You don’t want to spend your wedding day surrounded by people you don’t know because you didn’t add to the guest list.
Remember that both sets of parents will probably have people they want to invite, but unless they are footing the bill, you can say no to inviting your father’s golf partner’s cousin. As the groom, you have a responsibility to back up your fiance in any guest list disputes.
Even if you don’t have a strong opinion (or any opinion) about some aspect of wedding planning, show interest in what your partner is working on or thinking about. When asked for your opinion, offer your insight and take advantage of the opportunity to show that you want to be a part of the process. Even if every flower looks the same or the nuances of the color palette aren’t clear, show your fiance that you care by sharing your thoughts.
Become a Problem Solver
Although most brides would answer, “How involved should a groom be in the wedding planning?” by saying, “As much as he wants to be,” the reality is that for many couples, the day is largely about the bride. The groom can help make the day as magical as possible by taking on the role of problem solver, especially on the wedding day. The groom should prepare to intercept and take care of minor issues, like a delayed cake delivery or snafu with the seating chart, so the bride can focus on getting ready and enjoying the culmination of all the planning.
Take Things Seriously
While you should always have fun during the wedding planning process, certain elements, like acquiring marriage licenses, are serious and important tasks. Grooms can help by gathering all the necessary documents to apply for the license, double-checking the requirements, and arriving at appointments on time. Even if you have a laid-back and relaxed personality, don’t cause extra stress by not taking care of critical details or waiting until the last minute to take care of them.
Plan Your Wedding Together to Get Your Marriage Off to a Strong Start
Your wedding day is only the start of your life together. After you say your vows and exchange rings, you have a lifetime ahead of you, so as you make plans and wonder, “How involved should the groom be in the wedding planning?” remember that your wedding is just one day of many that you will spend together. Work together in the months leading up to it so you have happy memories.
Do you have more questions about weddings and marriage? Do you need help finding groom suits for a city hall wedding? Check out City Hall Weddings for expert advice and insight on how to plan your nuptials in cities across the country and more.